The Poison of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die.
- Marianne Williamson
In this world, you will be hurt, sometimes very badly hurt. It’s inevitable. When it happens, are you able to forgive, or do you unwittingly drink the poison of unforgiveness?
I drank the poison. I should have seen the evidence – after all, I carried around a letter that badly hurt me for THREE YEARS! It was my proof, should anyone doubt me, that my husband and I had been terribly mistreated by a family member.
In some ways, despite the pain it caused, I loved that letter. When I read it to others, they sympathized with me and prayed for me. They understood my pain and assured me I was right, and the writer was wrong. Their support gave me wings, for a few minutes at least.
But in the long run, my anger and bitterness took a huge toll. Once supportive friends drifted away, tired of hearing my poor, poor pitiful me diatribes. Sleep eluded me. Anxiety brought on panic attacks. I became depressed and often felt hopeless. My 24-hour-a-day victim mentality insured no joy in the present. Eventually I realized that the once positive, easy-going, life-loving Wanda, who awoke every morning with a song in her heart, was gone.
I prayed a lot during those days, but I wasn’t listening…until one day when I felt a gentle nudge to get it all out. So I grabbed a yellow legal pad and a pen and retreated to my closet. Slumping down on the floor, I wrote and wrote and wrote, giving voice to feelings I didn’t even know I had. I listed every wrong I could think of, naming names, uncovering painful memories. Everything that had been smoldering within me came out on those pages.
I was exhausted. But I knew there was more to be done, so I read every word out loud – my anger turning to remorse as I realized how much hatred I had harbored inside. As my heart softened, I prayed, repenting of the bitterness I had allowed to take root. Then I made a choice – to leave it ALL behind – to forgive every slight and the person behind it, including the writer of the letter.
Already feeling lighter, I got up, left the closet, tore the pages off my legal pad and retrieved the letter from my purse. Then I deliberately shredded one page at a time, praying for forgiveness for others and myself, and asking God to heal my heart.
The great news is, God did heal my heart! Peace replaced bitterness. And over time, I realized that the old Wanda, who once awoke every morning with a song in her heart, was back.
I don’t know what difficulties you have gone through or who has hurt you. But I do know that if you allow your anger, resentment and hatred to build and don’t choose forgiveness toward the people and the hurts, you will be like me – drinking a poison that destroys only you. Don’t do it! Save yourself the misery. Whatever it takes, lay it all down and be free!
I’m here if you need to some help to let it go.